Waiting
by rainbowishprincess
Summary: Six minutes left. Six minutes to be purely human, six minutes to be normal, plain Bella, six minutes until the transformation begins and she seals her fate. And suddenly, despite the years that'd been leading up to this moment, it doesn't feel like enough


**Author's Note:** I've never wrote Twilight fic, and this isn't even very fantastic... it was definitely written fast, but my mind begged for it to be written, you know? So, yeah. Eclipse spoilers, obviously, but what are you doing in the Twilight fanfic if you haven't finished the book, silly? ;)

* * *

It was easier in theory. The idea of being turned. It was easy to beg for, to plead for, to set a date for. But to sit there in Edward's bedroom, waiting for him and Carlisle to return...

It wasn't so easy. Bella is realizing this now.

The anticipation is slowly driving her crazy. It burns from the inside out, scorching through and setting every little bit of her aflame. Her blood is boiling, and her heart is practically beating out of her chest, two feelings that she knows are very limited. But this... this waiting. It feels more painful than anything. She can't even imagine the three days as the venom spreads hurting more than that.

Her eyes close, and her thoughts drift toward James and the brief period where his venom had been coursing through her and she purses her lips. Well, perhaps not.

It all set, all taken care of. There was nothing to interfere with this. It was finally here, there nothing to trigger more procrastination. Except for the feeling in her stomach that sounds vaguely like a marching band.

Just waiting. And it's agony. Sheer, unbridled agony.

"I'll be back in an hour, Bella," he had promised, voice silky and smooth as always, his cold hand touching her face. He had closed his eyes for a moment, and she had heard hear his lips part, like he was about to say something. She had waited for a moment, but it appeared that he changed his mind. Pulling away, he had kissed her lips with his frigid ones and then smiled. "An hour."

Fifty four minutes ago, he had said this.

Six minutes left. Six minutes to be purely human, six minutes to be normal, plain Bella, six minutes until the transformation began and she sealed her fate. And suddenly, despite the years that had been leading up to this moment, it doesn't feel like enough.

Couldn't he hurry up and get here? The waiting was infiltrating her mind with unpleasant thoughts. Thoughts that make her want to run. She doesn't. need that.

_Bella_, she tells herself calmly. _You've been waiting for this._

She wrings her hands together and fingers the glittery ring, fit on her finger like it was made for her. The wedding, the planning... it all came down to this. Six minutes.

Oops. A glance at the clock tells her that two minutes have passed without her realizing and she continues to feel sick with worry. Which was stupid, she reasons. This is Edward. This is life with Edward, forever. This is what she wants This is being with the guy who has become the very reason for her existence, this is extending her existence to eternity.

This is Bella Swan-Cullen waiting. Anticipating. Driving herself insane.

Finally, he comes into the room, his unbearably handsome face set into an expression of absolution and acceptance and -- is that fear? If he's scared, should she be scared? It must have shown on her face because Edward comes by next to her, whispering against her lips, "It's time, Bella. But only if you want it to be."

She looks up and stares into his eyes, hoping to see an inky gold, but is met with black instead.

And she loves him. She loves him more than anyone has loved anyone, ever. She loves him so much that being without him, even for a little while, makes her feel like she can't be fully functional again until he's in sight. She needs him so much that she tries to imagine life before him, life before loving him and can't. It must not have been life. Just moving, just talking and doing things without actually being whole. She closes her eyes. But being whole feels so much like being broken sometimes, and she can't understand the logic in that.

Loving Edward feels like falling.

She swallows. "It's time," she repeats, and she forces the fear to eject from her veins.

She kisses him, her last human kiss, she knows, and for a moment, she feels immortal.

And soon, she will be.


End file.
